joining in the fun....

The matter (for my doing this) court. of: Kevin
The final motivation court. of: Woodchuck

People will think that my jukebox consists only of two operas....



Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you? November Rain - Guns and Roses

Will I have a happy life? The Glass Prison – Dream Theatre

What do my friends really think of me? Track 15 from In the Silence of the Word

What do people secretly think of me? Elle a fui la Tourterelle – Les Contes D’Hoffmann (Act IV)

How can I be happy? Et Moi? Moi, La Fidele Amie - Les Contes d’Hoffmann (Epilogue)

What should I do with my life? Salut! Demeure chaste et pure – Faust

Will I ever have children? Some von Suppé overture

What is some good advice for me? Praeocupemus, faciem… - (track 2) In the Silence of the Word

How will I be remembered? Helas, Nom Coeur S'egare Encore -- Les Contes d’Hoffmann (sextet in Act III)

What is my signature dancing song? Dame Marthe Schwerlein – Faust

What do I think my current theme song is? Attendez-moi là, cher docteur! – Faust

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? The Act I Overture from Faust

What song will play at my funeral? Ainsi que la brise légère – Faust

What type of men/women do you like? Quand z’eyro petitoune - Canteloube

What is my day going to be like? Schlemil! - Les Contes d’Hoffmann (Act III)

Reflection for the Great Fast

Here is an excerpt from Nicodemos of the Holy Mountain -- one that i found very interesting -- from the section under the title:

"It is Wrong and Unnatural to Look upon Nature, to Read the Scriptures and Not Rise to the Knowledge and Love of God."

Now there are of course those who do not use the senses and the subsequent meditation on creation and Holy Scripture to rise through them to the knowledge and love of God, who both spoke the Scriptures and created the world. On the contrary, such people use this sense perception simply for human aggrandizement, for the marvel and mere pleasure of the corruptible beauty in creatures, and for other bodily purposes. Or, at least, they simply remain on the level of the limited purposes of creatures and of the Scriptures. They thus neglect to proceed further, to rise to the catholic and comprehensive view of things, to God's wisdom through which all things are known and in which all the reasons for each creature are to be found, according to St. Maximos. "The Lord by wisdom founded the earth. . . . When he established the heavens, I was there" (Prv 3:19, 27). St. Basil the Great too had something to say on this point: "There are indeed certain reasons why the primordial wisdom of God was laid as a foundation to nature at the time of creation." Now, those who do not rise---through the reason endowed in nature and in the Holy Scriptures---to the hypostatic Logos of God, those who do not love Him "through whom all things were made" (Jn 1:3), as most of the worldly philosophers do not, all of these people act contrary to the Creator's purpose in nature and in the Holy Scripture. And according to the wise and most insightful Kallistos, the thought of such people has lost its natural tendency and has become unnatural. This has occurred because they use the means as ends in themselves, and the causes as results, and they love the gifts more than the Giver and the creatures more than the Creator, as St. Augustine has said. Since creation was not created for itself, but for the vision and glory of its Creator, it is not proper that it should be seen and admired for its own sake, but rather for the sake of its Creator. It is the same with the mirror which one does no look at for its own sake, but for the sake of the one reflected in it.
We may add, finally, that the secondary goal and purpose for the creation of the senses is so that the material body may be able to enjoy through them material nourishment, growth, and life. Truly, I do not know what to marvel at most: the "palace" that is so intricately constructed or the "king" who dwells therein. But of these two, I must certainly marvel most at the master artist and Creator who with infinite wisdom not only created both of them, but also united the mind and the body in such perfect harmony.


If i have time, I will try and post a little something from every chapter of my Nicodemos book over Lent. Some of the things that he writes are very, very strict, and may seem amusing (because they are). At the same time, however, I think that he writes from an incredible devotedness to Christ and that there is usually something to the things he says (even the funny bits).

(Please note that this material comes from the Classics of Western Spirituality collection)

They have pierced my...well, just my big toe.

Well, I had to get some work done on my left big toe this weekend. I will not describe how inflamed and purple it was -- that would be gross (although in a weird kind of way, i must say that it was funny to keep hearing the doctors say, "eew, this is gross...boy am i glad i don't have to do these everyday...does it feel as bad as it looks?"). Neither will I describe the pool of blood that quickly formed where they took my nail away. But this i will mention: the Lidocaine (?) injections. Oh Boy.

Before I begin, however, I just want to say how much I appreciate the holy martyrs and how much I admire them for their courage and faithful endurance, and also, i should mention, how it is that they confirm God's ability to enter into the hearts of men.







I entered the operating room not knowing what to expect. They said that they had to numb my toe, or something to that effect, but i didn't have any fear or worry. I was ignorant of the needle to come. Well, not really ignorant, but having already fiddled with the toe before coming to the doctor (with nail clippers), I didn't think it would be anything I couldn't handle. Boy oh boy (as a Canadian hockey commentator might say). I felt three injections, but after the fact saw more like six little dots surrounding my toe. Little pricks like knives -- hitting the nerves. My little agony. My little crucifixion....just in time for Lent.

But excruciating though these devils were, the pain only lasted a few seconds (15 at most). And I hadn't been aware of what was coming; I hadn't sweated blood, after all....

Our lives are so soft. It's good to have such "unpleasant" moments to put familiar things in a new light. We are all accustomed to pain, and we know that it is unpleasant. But we (by which I mean I) sometimes forget about how unpleasant pain actually is. It wouldn't be excruciating pain, after all, if it were not excruciating. And if it were, somehow, not as bad as it should be, almost pleasant, then there might be something wrong with us. Christ on the Cross, and the holy martyrs who followed Him, felt pain. (By "pleasant" I mean in a strictly physical sense; martyrdom might be pleasant in a different sort of sense.)

I am ashamed to say that my first thoughts were vile (though I was relieved to find that the ensuing thoughts turned to Divine supplication), but considering the small scale of the injury, I pray to God that He never subject me to such a test at the large (heaven/hell) scale. And here and now I pray to God that He would give me courage -- the kind He had, and gave His martyrs -- to endure if ever I were chosen. Oh how sweet it would be to sing psalms in the face of death.

The Apostles scattering in the face of His arrest and then stretching out their hands to where they did not want them stretched can only mean one thing: No one would subject themselves to this for nothing. Ok, so maybe there could be one or two truly psychotic people. But hundreds, thousands....? No. He is their to help.

I am a weak man, my God.

dans la voiture, je ne jure pas

It's the season of Lent, so this is the time of year to change all of those malicious thoughts that run through our heads. Most of my problem begin early in the day with my morning commute and end on a sour note with the drive back. This is an area that I need to work on.

Now, it very well may happen that all of those people on the morning commute will end up in hell, but as far as i'm concerned (insofar as I struggle during Lent): for all I know, there is a perfectly good reason for each and every swerver^, curb-crawler*, vague', speeder** and person who, in general, doesn't use his blinker** or allow you to merge or change lanes (i shall also include those who have broken down in the middle lane of a busy street, for early in the morning, when thoughts are rarely charitable, they are, well, very annoying).

No. Lent is not the time to condemn these people. That speeder: he's not speeding because he left late through his own fault -- perhaps because of a late night full of lechery. He's just trying to get to church on time; his delay was unavoidable becasue he had to help his wife feed the children breakfast and to say their morning prayers.

That person who speeds up when you turn on the blinker to change lanes: He wasn't born illegitimately, and in fact, he is the offspring of a human mother and father. He just sees that it would be more efficient for all involved that he zoom past you. It isn't his fault that the person behind him is speeding to church and inadvertently blocks your path.

That curb-crawler: He's given all of his money into the collection bin so that he bought a car with slightly slower pickup. And besides, these kinds of people are necessary because they do not speed up when you do need to get in their lane. Their problem is not malice; they're just so peaceful from returning from church that they do not want to intimidate any other drivers.

That vague: Is a good example for all of us, for he illustrates how moral weakness may affect us. Often in life we do not know: do i choose this or this? Fortunately, they always choose the lane that they think will be the slowest so that you can take the faster one. Even though they are returning from church, they wish for you to get to your church service as quickly as possible. The vague is a wake up call: "Do not look to your right or to your left" (except when you're driving, of course).

But one must feel compassion for the poor person who broke down at the light on the hill. Actually, these people are not broken down, but instead, they simply saw what hour it was and saw that it was a good time for a Holy Hour -- to pray the Office. He is so enthralled in the Divine Word that he has forgotten himself completely -- in a beatific ecstasy. Such a person cannot possibly be any source of irritation, instead, their example can inspire us to stop at a chapel on our way to our destination (for it is likely that we are not so holy as to enter such bliss, and therefore, to have an excuse).


^ That is, those who swerve from lane to lane and cut people off, rendering the general public very near a nervous breakdown.

* The world would be a much happier place if people drove at least the speed limit.

' I use vague as a singular noun to describe those who (usually lazily) cannot choose a lane when they make, say, a left turn. This is a very dangerous habit that can very nearly cause an accident if the driver behind them is an impatient driver.

** By speeders I do not mean those who go 10, even 15 over if the zone makes for safe driving. What i mean by speeding is driving at least 15 over when traffic is thick and it is unsafe to do so.

Anyone else notice something similar?

I've found myself getting shocked on all sorts of things lately; say: car doors, water fountains, televisions, just about anything...

I was puzzled for a little bit, thinking perhaps that it was the new shoes I was wearing. But behold, I switched to my old sneakers and the same thing kept happening.

I came to the conclusion that:
It's getting along in the semester and I'm dragging my feet more than usual.

I suppose I should be grateful that this is the least of my worries when my body gets run down, and that I haven't yet had to worry about episodes of incontinen.....whoooop! Moving right along!

You know the cafeteria food is too greasy when...

..When you eat lunch and then go to the library for a nap, and it happen that during your nap you dream about your swimming years...that is, when you have not thought about your days on the swim team for months.


Just some food for thought.

What will heaven be like?

As i woke up a couple of mornings ago I noticed something about myself. I am quite content when the tissue box next to my bed is full. There's nothing quite like a brand-new opened box of tissues. I feel secure and have no worries, for I know that I will be blowing my nose at every appropriate moment in the future.

But this is not the first time that I have noticed this internal reaction to full, uh, ness.

Let's see. How about:

A full tank of gas is very nice. This is true.

A full bag of popcorn at the movie theatre is nice (and not just for health reasons). Very true.

And so on...


So i guess heaven will be full of somekind of fullness (and before I begin to sound too weird: i mean God in His fullness -- and whatever that entails, naively assuming that the statement begins to describe the idea).

But I suppose that heaven will be even better than just fullness, for not only will our cups actually not be completely empty (for the pessimists among us, of whom i am the first)... but they will be so not empty that they must needs spill over (as the psalmist tells us).

Wow, so if heaven is anything like an overflowing tissue box on my bedside table, i want in!



Although I suppose it goes without saying that we won't need tissue boxes in heaven...

THEOPHAN

Say, wait a second: If there's an icon of you, are you reclusive enough to be called "the Recluse"?




Well, I guess that's kind of unfair of me...